Rubbernecking at the Gates of Hell

by Pinned in Place

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1.
I try to look for you in others, but it’s so hard when you’re my mother. A sickness eats the family, when your best friends the pharmacy. Parked outside this house. Wondering what’s the noise about. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if I went too far. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to play this game. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know just who are you. It’s not family ‘less it’s in disarray. You can choose to stay. It’s up to if you want to go. It’s not family ‘less it’s in disarray.
2.
Milk Toast 01:57
Lyrics cowritten by Nikki Fox Raised by my father who left and my mother who tried to stay Stay, she tried stay. For what it’s worth, their absence feels the same, It feels the same. Who can blame a kid for resisting her own fate. He showed me who not to love. She showed me who not to be. Eventually I’ll feel at home in the skin you gave me, knowing there’s no way to rip it off. Eventually, I’ll untangle the veins you left me. Eventually, My blood flow will cut you off. Eventually The sound of your name won’t repulse me. Eventually, The shape of your face won’t put me off. Eventually Eventually
3.
Won’t someone clean up the mess I am? Yeah, maybe a friend that thinks they know what’s best. I try to use all their good advice but don’t you know I’m fucked inside my head. You say, "I’m only offering a hand." No, it’s not easy with you gone and, no, it’s not easy with you here. We think our time’s so important, like we’re making Citizen Kane in the basement. Won’t someone clean up the mess I am? Yeah, maybe a friend that thinks they know what’s best. We saw some bad times fade. We couldn’t make it anyhow. You can't bare the pain. You’re ready to get out. When it’s not the same, it’s not the same. You watch me sinking. You watch me sinking. You go. I buried myself long ago.
4.
I give up self-esteem to computer screens. It’s easy to fool myself. Oh, you want to be good for something. Try to think it through. You’re linked-in with a vampire. You’re always good for nothing. Your false modesty is killing me. Wasting my time on you. Sink your teeth in me. Go and drink my dignity. Sink your teeth in me. What’s my worth compared to you? I want to go. I gotta go. Your success is my insecurities. Wasting my time on you.
5.
Pardon me, while I change the scenery Been fooling myself into thinking I can drive away from a feeling Oh, it’s so heavy. It drops me to my bedroom floor as you shut the door And this passenger doesn’t ask for a ride. it just hops on inside. And says which way to go. Taking control. Time won’t change my mind. I want to be more than a fine lie. I want you to show me happiness looks like. Let’s all agree on the same thing That we just ain’t wasting time, Pretending that we’re fine. And it will be fine. Just fine. Whatta lie.
6.
Why bother? She’s just your daughter. You’re no father. You’re just a stranger. Just 'cause you named her. Don’t mean you own her. You really showed her How to be a winner. She waits for it to be different. But it’s not for you. She bides her time in this household With so much more to do Than lose time on you. She ain’t gonna waste another second waiting for you. This time she’ll choose. She ain’t gonna waste another second waiting for you. He's hoping for an excuse to walk out the front door. You’re the wrong person so what are you waiting for. "Eliza the imperfect Well, nobodies perfect.” What do you hope to gain? There’s no reason to stay? What do you hope to gain now by staying now. by staying now.
7.
Vanilla 02:09
Through clenched teeth deliver my foolish lines To keep you. While the cast change, I stay the same. I’m left behind. Without you. I lack your arrogance to steal their eyes away. So fuck you. No, I never want to, I never want, I never want to Become you. I sometimes re-stage my bitter memories. Trashing the script that was performed by me. Recasting us all in more fulfilling roles. Why waste regret on things I couldn't control? You said, "I lied. No, I never want to reveal what’s inside. Buried by my tries." Tearing at the skin I parade around. You said, "I lied. No, I never want to reveal what’s inside. Buried by my tries."
8.
Cold Shakes 01:42
Additional lyrics by Andrew Schubert Are you trying to be indifferent? Does it make any difference. Do you need a guide For the drive? For the drive. It can last a lifetime. Are you tired of being driven? Well, as long as we fucking get there. Sometimes we’re pulled along. We’re pulled along. For their ride. For their ride. It can last a lifetime. No, not again. No more pretend. Do we fake it for us or them? Sure, I’m not the man the I want to be. But only I can fix me with these spare parts. Let’s reverse to the start.
9.
Takes time to fake it well. Trained grace. False face. She never could tell. Disguise—we want to be fooled. Disguise—from the one we choose. Trapped! No, The air left the room. The silence broken by rumors and lies. They say, I’ll keep you inside. They mean, I’ll rat you out. Trapped! So rat me out. With your snide remarks. Your throwaway kindness and disposable regards. So sell me out. With performed concern. Your throwaway kindness and disposable regards. One plan down. (It never shows) What you need. (You never say) (Takes time to fake it well) Disguise Yeah, it’s how you want it. Disguise Who’ll ever know?
10.
Stay Lost 02:22
When I stay lost, I am found. The waiting room scent follows me around. When I remain afraid, I can never leave the house. The fatal diagnosis that I always give myself. “We know what’s best for you.” Says all the lab coats like infomercials. “We can teach you happiness” To train young dogs to do old tricks. Find you’re never gonna find. Hide You can always run and hide. Find you’re never gonna find. Hide You can always run and hide. What she said to me. About welcoming suffering. To keep you sane. (When I stay lost, I am found.) Give up directions. Misread the clues. Repay my debts. Nothing to lose.
11.
I worry that Creationists are right Don’t see evolution in humanity. We find a way to stir a bitter tide, to drown us in our infinite cruelty. And it’s true I want to do more than survive. And it’s true I’m not gonna make out alive. I’ve given up my guilty Christian heart. All it ever gave me was shame and indignity. Call me careless or callous or naive but I feel oh so pleasantly empty. And it’s true there’ll be rubbernecking at the gates of hell. And it’s true misery seems to suit us well. And it’s true we waste time when we’re love deprived, grasping for answers from strangers on the outside And it’s true we can do better than apologize I never want for these sins to be forgiven.

about

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released April 18, 2018

On this album PIP is:
Sean Arenas - guitar/vox
Ray Cruces - bass
Noah Guevara - guitar
Nate Torres - drums
Patrick Shiroishi - Rhodes piano/vox

Andrea Calderón - vox on “Codependence Day,” “Milk Toast,” “Citizen Kane,” “LinkedIn” & “Eliza”

Engineered by Andrew Schubert at Golden Beat Recording Studio
Mixed by Eric Carlson
Mastered by Dave Gardner at Infrasonic Sound

Album art by Carina Taylor (carinadraws.com)

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Pinned in Place Los Angeles, California

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Southern California DIY punk

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For booking: pinnedinplace@gmail.com

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